It may be tough in the dating world, but how much should a man’s race and bank account really matter?

By: Amanda Anderson

It is very clear that there is some type of rift going on between black men and women.

In a recent conversation that I had with another sister regarding Naomi Campbell’s very public affair with a very married European billionaire, I was told that Campbell should be praised for doing what every single black woman should do:

Forsake all black men and look for love with a very rich white man.

Now I am all for single black women finding real love and living happily ever after at any costs, but it’s the forsake all the brothers part that made me cringe, and a little sad as well. Have we as black women gotten to the point where black men can no longer fit into our equation of happily ever after? And if so, who’s responsible for crunching these numbers?

I would be naïve if I didn’t acknowledge the fact that it isn’t exactly easy to find a partner. Dating is a pain, and the options available to black women aren’t necessary fair in comparison to the pickings of black men. But let’s be totally honest here. Relationships are tough, and finding the right person is just one of life’s hardest lessons. We as a race aren’t excluded from that fact. The 50% divorce rate of this country is proof alone that it will require some work to live that fairytale and get a step closer to that white pickett fence.

And the truth is, a man’s race simply can’t tell you how he will treat you. Yes, there are some awful men out here. They cheat, they sleep around, and they will bring a lot of misery to your otherwise peaceful life. You will get your heart broken at least once in your life, and you may even feel like giving up after your last relationship. The question really is, why do you somehow feel white women are excluded from any of this? Pain and disappointment is part of life for everyone.

There are bad men in every race, and good men of every shade. You may have a story of the sister who met her prince charming who happened to be a white man. But I too have a story and it ends with a sister getting her heart broken by a white man. Turns out, he wasn’t her knight in shining armor. Her knight in shining armor happened to be a black man.

Now the sister’s counter argument was the fact that black men have totally given up on black women. She voiced that when black men get a taste of success, they quickly turn their backs on black women and grab the first white woman that will give them a chance.

And although I see this in Hollywood and predominately from the professional athletes, I can’t say that I have personally witnessed this in my life. I do not know of any brothers with white wives or girlfriends, but I may see an interracial couple walking the streets of downtown Atlanta. And although this is a popular topic in this country, interracial marriages still make up less than 2% of marriages in the country.

I am in no way or form telling you that you should not date white men. I am not telling you to wait for your black prince, nor am I telling you that a wealthy man will provide you with a lifetime of happiness. None of these things are required for happiness or essential to finding true love.

The sister who praised Naomi Campbell made one huge mistake. And her mistake is bigger than giving up on her race. The mistake she made was judging a man by his skin color and the amount of money he has in his bank account. You see she somehow thinks Naomi is treated like a queen by this billionaire since he takes her on lavish trips and buys her nice things. No matter the fact that he is already married and has a nasty reputation of having girlfriends on the side. Somehow to this woman, nice things cancel out the fact that he doesn’t see Naomi worthy enough to end his marriage, and make her more than a side piece.

And the really unfortunate part is not once did she speak of character.

When it comes to finding the right partner and true love, character alone is the most important thing to consider. Character tells us exactly who a person really is. It will paint a raw picture of the people in our lives.

If a man has good character, he will respect you and your relationship. If a man has good character, most likely he will make a great husband, and an incredible father. And most importantly, a man of good character can be the head of your household, and worthy of your love.

After all, the recession has proven that money comes and goes. We can never really change who we are, and we can’t change the dynamics of life.

So if that’s the case, choose a partner by their character, and not their bank account or skin color. And as the world continues to change around you, their character won’t.

Aren’t you happy to know that good character (and good men), come in all shades?

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