Exes don’t make good friends.

By: Amanda Anderson

Now I can’t say that I have the best track record when it comes to my past relationships and bouts with love. Over the years, I have grown from these failed attempts, and I truly do understand that one must endure disappointments in order to get to their true happiness. While it is that part that I do understand, I can’t seem to understand why I would need to keep any piece of failed relationships in my new life. Regardless of the nature of the break-up, I honestly don’t make an attempt to stay in touch with old boyfriends. I may be in the minority, but what do we really have to gain by maintaining communication with an ex?

Some people say that keeping exes as friends proves that we are no longer bitter over the relationship. The logic behind this theory isn’t senseless, but I do feel that this belief is a load of crap that some hopeless romantic made up in order to justify why they keep holding on to something they really shouldn’t be holding on to. The best way to prove to your ex that you have moved on is to move on. That’s right ladies…no calls, text messages, or emails. I know it sounds harsh to many, but the fact of the matter is most of us don’t begin our relationships on a foundation based off a solid friendship. You may be with a person for several years, but that does not mean you have a solid friendship. So if you don’t have that foundation while you were in the relationship, why on earth would you try to have it after a break-up? That’s backwards, right?

Then there is the notion that our exes can help us with our future relationships. Some people go as far as to call an ex for relationship advice. Let me be a little harsh for a second (it’s all in love). 9 times out of 10, your ex did something so incredibly foul that you felt the need to end the relationship. Rarely do we break-up with the good ones, so do you honestly think you should get relationship advice from a person who couldn’t even act right while they were in a relationship with you? Unless they woke up and became some type of relationship buff, the chances are slim that they can give any helpful advice in how to fix your current relationship. And honestly, your ex really doesn’t want to hear about your new relationship or help you solve your love problems. And I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t either. Don’t be tempted, get advice from someone that you don’t have a history with.

Let’s face it, most of our exes are jerks. They were selfish in the relationship, and believe it or not, they are still selfish now. They may act like they have no hidden agenda when they start to contact you after a break-up, but with these types of men, there is always a hidden list of objectives that do not involve your happiness. To these men, it’s all about the ego. Simply put, they want you to stroke it (and other things). They will play the “friend” role just as long as they need to get you into bed. Don’t take it personal, but don’t be a fool either.

Here’s the bottom line: You don’t need to hold onto any parts of your past in order to get to your future. In all actuality, it is those that hold on to their past that never really move on. When a relationship fails (and they will), take the lesson with you, but leave the relationship where it is…in the past. There isn’t anything that your ex can do for you that you can’t do for yourself. You are intelligent enough to use our old experiences as a guide for your new experiences. And what better way to embark on something that will last a lifetime?

Advertisements