Baggage isn’t restricted to women.


By: Amanda Anderson

“I‘m not trying to be in another relationship anytime soon…unless it’s fun.”

Is there any self-respecting woman on the planet who wants to hear these words? Point her out for me and I will gladly hit her upside the head with a little self-respect and dignity because obviously she needs some.

I haven’t met any women who would settle for fun, but these are usually the words spoken by a man who is still bitter about a very painful break up. Oh you know the type. Great personality, attractive, has a lot going for him, but unfortunately he comes with baggage. And not the fabulous designer baggage; but that awfully ugly, bulky and too heavy to handle baggage that he won’t check in even though the flight attendant told him it was too heavy to be carry on.

And unfortunately, you get stuck carrying it around if you’re not careful.

Society would have us believe that men are unemotional creatures. We are told how insensitive they are and by many very angry women, how inhumane they are. So many women agree with the inhumane part and have happily labeled them as dogs. Although I may not have always met the best guys in my past relationship pursuits, I can’t say I agree with that label. It’s a tad bit over the top.

After hearing these words of relationship doom, I began to ponder if just maybe men are more emotional than we believe. Perhaps they too get attached too soon or to the wrong partner, and the break-up is just as painful for them as it usually is for women.

And both genders have to cope with the pain.

Women tend to seek solitude. We don’t want to date, get into another relationship, or engage in any type of physical relationship until we can figure out what happened and what caused our relationship to go sour. We want answers and most importantly, we want closure. Women don’t want to begin another relationship until the lesson of the last one is clear. And this can take a long time for most women.

Men take a different route. Their route usually leads to meaningless sex, and as my used to be prospect would call it, “fun.”

They want good company and good old fashioned sex with no strings attached. And the goal for the egotistical man is to pull a woman who is more attractive than his ex. For some reason, this somehow confirms that they can do better than the last.

Some men just seek sex because they weren’t getting it in the previous relationship.

And there are some, although they might be in the minority, who must cope in solitude just like women do. If love is a factor, sex just cannot heal the pain. They experience the kind of hurt that nothing physical can subdue.

And it is these minority men that every woman should be smart enough to end up with. Why? They need more than the physical. And that my dear is the first step to a real and dare I say it…successful relationship. He is a man that is bigger than the physical and shallow aspects of dating. He just wants more.

In the end, all men can agree that women drag out the healing process. It is nothing wrong with seeking a little time to yourself, but too much time is dangerous. While there are men who desire solitude after a break-up, even they are careful not to take too much time. And maybe that is something women can learn from. Honestly, reflection is great, but let’s not punish ourselves ladies.

Between men’s quest for meaningless sex and women’s purposeful solitude, coping is healthy. Just make sure you don’t walk around with baggage for too long because you might meet a great person who isn’t willing to carry it. And if a person is baggage free after much struggle, your baggage will give them very good reason to run away screaming.

Case in point:

In a matter of days, I went from totally interested to totally annoyed. Baggage will do it every time.

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