Does “The One” really exist?

By:Amanda Anderson

As I learn more and more about relationships, I am continuously asked the same question from men and women: Do soulmates really exist? There are many ways that I could answer this question, but then I realize that most people have yet to understand real love–so I can imagine why soulmates would be a more difficult feat to master, as well nearly impossible to put into motion. Numbers pose the biggest threat to the theory, as we are selfish by nature and unable to fathom that one person out of billions is essential to our equation of forever more. But what’s hard to understand isn’t necessarily false; it just requires a little maturity from those who seek clarity and the truth to a question that will ultimately shape our entire lives…for better of for worse.

The theory of soulmates states that there is one person that you were created to share the rest of your life with. The connection between these two lovers is supposed to be immediate and the attraction unbreakable. To most, a soul mate equals a perfect mate and one that we instantly bond with and love unconditionally. For these listed reasons, it’s easy to understand why soul mates are viewed more as fairy tales rather than a possibility we should all strive for.

I for one originally believed that one could have several soul mates. After a series of relationships, I believed myself to have been in love a few times and I could have ended up with a few different men. I chose neither of those men in the end, but for a long time I believed that I could have. And that belief is what led me to believe that we all have many soul mates, and that “the one” was just a matter of choice.

That was then, and this is now. And I realize now that although it does come down to choice, it also comes down to a little wisdom.

Have you ever wanted to change someone so they could be more compatible?

You honestly believe you love this person, but you are more in love with who they could potentially become if you do enough pushing and pulling. You could make them a more honest person, change their religious beliefs, and supply them with a little more ambition. You could change that person into the mate you need. In essence, these changes encouraged by yourself, could make an unlovable person lovable.

And there’s the problem.

No where in the definition of a soul mate does it say that you need to do a little altering and fixing up. It said that the attraction was immediate and that the bond was natural.

So why are you insisting on converting a man into a soulmate when he should just naturally be your soulmate? And isn’t it the pushing and the pulling that causes the end to most of our relationships? In love, there is no creation required.

Although the definition of soul mates sounds good, in it you will find flaws.

The truth is there is nothing immediate about true love. We have to get to know people and endure the obstacles of a real relationship before we can develop a bond with anyone. And this is true of friendships, as well as romances.

An instant attraction does not always equal love–sometimes it just leads to lust and heartbreak.

But that’s where the wisdom comes in. Wisdom will help us decipher between meaningless flings, lust, and relationships fueled by loneliness. It also helps us discover the truth about ourselves, and puts our needs into focus as we begin to look for a partner.

And it will be wisdom again, that will save us from wasting our time and energy into fixing a lover up to fit the mold of a soulmate–when they themselves were meant to be temporary. To find real love, one must sharpen up on their wisdom.

But the theory in itself is not completely untrue, for out of billions, there is indeed one person that will be the perfect fit for us. And when I say the perfect fit, I in no way mean that they themselves will be perfect…but they will be perfect for us.

They won’t need any altering, because even in their flaws we will find lovable annoyances.

This person will come into your life, and it will suddenly make sense why it never worked with anyone else. But be thankful for the others who came and left, for without them, you wouldn’t be the person who perfectly fits with your soul mate.

And in that alone, we should find comfort in broken hearts and failed relationships. Without them, you’d never end up with the person that was meant for you out of billions. Just make sure that you don’t miss out on “the one” for “the right now”–fixing the temporary will surely cause you to miss out what was meant to last forever.

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