Why do we sit around and wait for a man to “grow into himself”?

By: Taren Vaughan

Mr. Potential…He will get you every time. He is the one who appears to be on the right track in life but just hasn’t managed to get himself just yet. You can see some really great things in this man; things that would make him a suitable beau in the future, hence the word “future”. As we would like to believe that our significant others can one day be the men that we believe that they can be, often times they fall short of doing so. If there is a chance that this might happen and we may find ourselves with men who can’t seem to officially make that leap into real adulthood, why do we take that risk? Why don’t we go for the brother who has his life in order instead of the one who we hope one day gets his s—t together?

Putting the two up against each other, seriously which one would you choose? On paper, the choice is damn near obvious. I mean who wouldn’t go for the man who has a list full of accomplishments and an impressive career and educational background? The only problem with that theory is that’s not the guy that most of us fall for. The man with the all the visions and no action, better known as the “pipe dreamer”, is the one that we want on our arm. Because we have grown to care about him so much, we rely on the potential that we see in him as an excuse to keep him around.

Let me make myself clear. I’m certainly not bashing the brother who is still in the midst of working towards his goals and attempting to get a jump start in his career. He is a man of action, not potential. And I’m no dream killer by far. I am supportive of the man who has an outlined plan to reach his goals. I do however have to call down the ones who are just chillin’, letting all of their potential go to waste. Now that’s the brother that I have beef with. Thinking about the two types, don’t you just think it would make your life easier if you chose a man that already has his stuff together or at least had everything mapped out? As some of us hold on for dear life to these “potential driven” men of ours, we really must ask ourselves: Is waiting around for a man to live up to his potential worth our time?

He could be worth if he is sincere about making some moves. He has already voiced his plans to you and had some pretty strong evidence to back it up. On second thought, he could just be saying to make you believe that he is really striving to make something of himself. Now how out of order would that be? Here you are either already reached the level of success that you want or in the process of doing so, and your man is still trying to figure out what he wants to do with himself. Really dude, have you no direction at all? Having the potential to do something is one thing. But having absolutely no plan as to how you are going to reach it is another.

Here’s the thing about waiting on a man to blossom. It may never happen. And if he never lives up to what you thought he could, where does that leave you? With a bunch of wasted time on a man who is still trying to “find himself”. Giving chances to the potentials will not always result in a bad partnership. He could be on the verge of really making something out of his life. But a lot times, Mr. Potential will remain at the same point where started from when you first met him, not budging one bit. So to spare yourself the disappointment, try looking for the guy who not only has his game face on. But one who really had something to show for it. Leave those P.W.A.’s (Potentials Without Action) for some other sisters with more time on their hands to spare.

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