Not all black men are horrible…Just maybe the ones that you go after.

By: Taren Vaughan

“Black men ain’t s—t”…I can’t tell you how many times I have heard sisters say this about men of color. With all the dating mishaps that a number of black women have experienced, the conclusions that they have come to is that all black men harbor the exact same characteristics. They are all lazy, trifling, scandalous, all of the above. So this saying that some of us use referring to black men pretty much sums them all up right? Let’s just go ahead and throw them all into one category and leave it at that? Hmm, not quite honey.

For the sister who goes around openly bashing black men and professing to the whole world about how worthless and no good they are she might want to think about that comment before it leaves her mouth. Instead of putting that negative stamp on every brother out there, she needs to take a good look back at the men that she has dated in the past. Chances are that the TYPE of men that she has been dating is the real problem to why she can’t seem to find a decent man period, let alone a brown one.

My first suggestion to those who always seem to find a problem with the black men that they are dating, please stop hanging on to the “Black men ain’t s—t” line. We have used that for too many years now. And I’m almost positive that brothers are tired of us sisters tagging that phrase to every black man that crosses their path. It’s time to be real with ourselves about our relationship troubles that we have had with black men.

Take a moment to think back on all the men that you have dated. Most of us will have a long list of brothers, with a few men of different races here and there. Now, think about how many of them were essentially “identical twins”? I’m not talking looks wise but personality wise. Had the exact same behavior patterns? See my point. Did you ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe, it’s not about him being a black man after all? But it’s more so about what kind of black man that he is.

The majority of failed relationships usually have absolutely nothing at all to do with the color of your partner’s skin. It’s all about what the individual values, what he holds in high regard. If his morals are lacking, then guess what he will probably make a horrible boyfriend, whether he is black, blue, purple or green. End of story. Trifling is trifling no matter what shade it comes in. Moral values are in no way shape or form tied into the pigment of a man’s skin. It runs a little deeper than that.

Every man, despite what his outward complexion portrays, is capable of doing some very out of order BS when it comes to relationships. Just so happens that maybe some of us have a tendency to get involved with the ones that ain’t about anything, over and over again. And they just so happen to be…black. But rest assured it’s not their skin tone that they have in common. It’s their behavior patterns that are the splitting image of each other.

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