Why do we question ourselves when a man walks out of our lives?

By: Taren Vaughan

Whether it has been months or for the more patient sister, years of trying to work things out with a guy, things just can’t seem to come together for you all. You have done everything humanly possible to better the relationship that you have with this man. And you never see any real progression take place. After seeing this standstill happen over and over again when it comes to you two, you become very frustrated, sometimes even to the point of tears. And when he officially leaves, you begin to question what you did wrong and why he decided to leave you.

“Was it because I didn’t do all of the things that she is doing for him?”

Nope. Not at all honey. You were probably doing everything under the sun for that man. Cooking for him, giving him back rubs after a long day at work, sending him those “Good Morning baby, hope you have a nice day” text messages, the whole nine. Just doing nice things in general that you thought he would appreciate. I can almost guarantee you that you were doing every single thing for him that she is doing right now, if not more. But he would have you to believe that you were slackin’ on the job, not steppin’ your game up. Mind games to the fullest. He is just simply giving credit to another female for the things that you were doing for him all along.

“So was it because the sex wasn’t good?”

Uh, that’s a negative as well. Clearly, I don’t personally know how you get down in the bedroom but I can guarantee you that that’s not the reason why he bounced on you. But it’s so funny to me that that’s the one thing that some men try to use as their reason for not dealing with a woman anymore. And sadly, some sisters out there proudly stand behind this foolishness. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “If she was handlin’ her business, he wouldn’t have left her”.

Oh yeah, so that’s what it was huh? Please.

You could sex a man up all day, every day and he could still leave your behind, high and dry so don’t even try it. Sex is not everything despite what some people may think. But today’s society will have you believing that that’s the only way to keep a man around. And somewhere along the line, it has lost the value that it once had. So were you sexually challenged? Probably not.

The end to you and a man that you were involved with is not always a result of something you did in particular. But the more time we have to sit and think about it, the more we start to question and blame ourselves for why he up and left. Truth of the matter is that things don’t work out for multiple reasons, so don’t come down on yourself about why he ended up with someone else. Little do you know, it just may be a blessing in disguise that this man is out of the picture now.

Of course, that’s much easier said than done because you are hurting and are confused as to why things played out the way that they did. And as women, we do tend to take the blame for why men treat us the way that they do and why they go off and find another woman to call their own. But sometimes, it really isn’t about what you did or didn’t do for him. It happened the way it did because it wasn’t meant to be. So don’t drill yourself with the 21 questions. Just know that maybe he just wasn’t the one for you, even though your heart kept telling you otherwise.

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