Are you really in love or just feel defeated when a relationship ends?

By: Taren Vaughan

As soon as a struggling relationship comes to an end, the tears, heart ache and the love confessions begin to pour out. After putting forth your best effort and making a complete fool of yourself for this man that you were so “in love with”, you still wound up being by yourself. Now you are stuck with having to watch him run off and be happy with another woman, an unbearable sight for many of us I’m sure. As one can expect, weeks and weeks of being sad and depressed will shortly follow. But once you take a break from crying your eyes out, you begin to question what it really is that you are so upset about. What is the true reason behind why you are so devastated? Is it because you were so in love with the person? Or is it more so because your ego was severely damaged by their departure?

Sometimes it’s all about that crushed ego more than anything else.

When a man leaves you, not to go be by himself in the world of the single, but to be with another female, let’s be honest, it can be a huge blow to your ego. And in case you didn’t know, having an ego is not just a man thing. We have them too and can let them get the best of us at times, especially when it comes to relationships.

Some of us flat out think we are way too good for any man who has an ounce of sense in his head to leave. Never would a man do that. Think we are above getting our faces played, cheated on repeatedly and the ultimate, being dismissed. So when it finally does happen to us, we don’t know how to act. This is new to us. And what do we do in retaliation to the unthinkable happening to us? Blame on it all on love. “I loved him so much that’s why I’m so hurt by what he did.”

You sure about that? Sure you want to put all your sorrow off on how much you loved this guy?

As much as we hate to admit it, saying that you were “so in love” is a statement that we run with entirely too much. And it’s not always the cause of those tears that you shed. Is it too far fetched to say that maybe, just maybe, you felt like a loser, defeated because he left you?

Having to deal with the fact that you were not successful in keeping your man and maintaining the relationship that you all had is enough to make you feel like a failure. Facing defeat is not something that anyone, man or woman, does with ease. So the easier thing to do to spare yourself from having to accept that you took a “L” in this one, is to claim that love was involved, when in actuality it was nowhere to be found.

Really think about it. Which one is it that you are truly experiencing? A real heart break or a harsh dose of defeat?

Now it could very well be a mix of both depending on your situation. You could be genuinely in love with a person but at the same time suffer from a damaged ego. No one is saying that’s impossible. But a lot of times, it’s that defeat that has you so sick, not love.

Love or Defeat…Do you know the difference?

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