Why do we still need to seek validation from our exes? Insecurities much?

By: Amanda Anderson

The Misconception: This song is deep, emotional, and touching for those who have regrets in past relationships.

The Truth: Too many people confuse ego stroking for the complete opposite…LOVE.

The Rundown

Breakups are devastating–please believe me when I say that I totally get that. However, most of us allow our breakups to consume us, hold us hostage, and carry uneccessary baggage into our future relationships. This fact is evident with the surging popularity of Drake’s latest track, “Marvin’s Room,”–a song penned from the perspective of a drunk loser ex boyfriend who still somehow needs his ego stroked by an ex who finally managed to move on.

Continuously throughout the song, he attempts to explain his inability to remain faithful and nasty habit of creeping with outside “bitches…” all while he taunts her:

“I’m just saying you can do better.”

Well isn’t better moving on from a cheating douche bag who only sees women as “b-tches” and “ho-s?” I mean can we not call going from a whining, pussycat chasing, insecure egotistical selfish bastard to someone who can actually be in a relationship an upgrade? Sounds like to me, she is doing better. I’m just saying…

Many feel as if they can relate to the lyrics and message of this song, and here in lies the real problem:

We’re not wanting people because we love them, we’re wanting them because we love our egos. Had we really wanted them, we would have given them what they needed when he had them.

But instead, we’ll settle for drunk dialing/texting fueled by jealousy, and this could have all been avoided if somewhere, a grown man or woman acted grown and handled his or her business the first time. But too often, some naive young woman will mistake this mess for love, when in all actuality, her ex just needed a reminder that regardless of who she’s dealing with now, he can have her attention whenever he wants it.

It’s not love, it’s self-entitlement, and ego strokin’ disguised in remorse.

If Drake’s message wasn’t “f’d” up enough, we were then bombarded by the ridiculous remixes from JoJo and Teyana Taylor. You know…business as usual; two beautiful, naive young ladies holding on to a man that doesn’t want them, meanwhile, they’ll continue to remind their exes of just how valuable (and fly) they were.

Maybe I’m just a bit melodramatic, but should we really want to be with men that need to be reminded of our value?

Could it be that we just place way too much energy into the wrong people and opt to carry baggage versus moving on to something lighter to carry or something that doesn’t bring us down?

And when someone does move on to better, why do we somehow need to feel that we’re better? Does it make us feel better that we’re prettier than the new girl they are seeing, or that we dress better than her, or make more money than she makes? Will any of this truly change the current dynamics of the situation? Probably not, considering our exes knew we were prettier, flyer, and more successful; yet they still chose to walk away from the situation.

In my mid 20s, I can say confidently that I don’t need any of my exes to think I’m the best, because when a chapter ends, so does my concern with the characters and their accompanying plots.

Just maybe one day as we mature in love and relationships, we’ll  all learn that when a relationship ends, there’s no need to seek validation. Especially since validation should come from within, not from our relationships or unstable people who failed us repeatedly.

Marvin’s Room may be a hit, but the message is a disturbing one that highlights that too many of us rather carry baggage and get our egos stroked than be adults and move on the mature way. Yeah, we rather get pissy drunk than admit that just maybe…we kind of suck. And perhaps even we could improve and become better people for ourselves and others.

In the meantime, perhaps it’s just smarter to date the guys who don’t need alcohol to see things (and us) clearly.

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