Archives for category: the smart single woman

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By: Amanda Anderson-Niles

“The biggest mistake most women make is believing they need closure to a bad relationship. The truth is that once you discover a man no longer wants you, that’s really all the closure you need.”

I think I have lost count of the number of times I have heard a woman say she needed closure from the same man that dogged her the majority of the relationship. I myself have sought closure from someone I probably should have never dated in the first place.

Why do we do this?

I have a few guesses, but I would have to say the problem stems from our overcommitment to men who have never bothered to commit to us. We do this occasionally as an attempt to work things out with people who have no desire to put any work into their half of the relationship. We should walk away happily when we realize that we have been involved in an unhealthy relationship. But instead, we need to hear why we’ve been treated this way, when it doesn’t matter why but the fact that we were mistreated should be enough to move on.

Another problem is our sense of entitlement. After putting up with so much disrespect from one person, we feel they finally owe us some respect for our decision to stay way too long. But they don’t owe us what we owe ourselves, and that’s knowing better, and eventually doing better.

We simply feel entitled to the wrong things. Instead of feeling that closure is owed to us for our devotion to someone we had no business being with, we ought to feel entitled to being respected the first moments we embark in any relationship, and throughout the relationship. Simply put, we ought to feel entitled to a good man! So much so that staying with just any man won’t do.

Why do we wait until the last moment to make demands?

I’m a true believer that when a man wants a woman, he’s going to do what it takes to keep that woman. So if we’ve made our needs clear and he still won’t oblige, it’s quite clear that he is not trying to keep you. And by you hanging on to a man that isn’t trying to keep you, you’re loudly confirming without words that your needs and happiness aren’t really important. And it’s hard to make anything work out with a man who realizes you’ll give up your own happiness just to keep him around.

It’s best to require any man that has an interest in you to treat you right from the beginning, anything else and you’ll have to settle for closure.

Yes, there’s a difference.

By: Amanda Anderson

As I reflect on the majority of my failed attempts on love, I can’t help but notice an underlying similarity. Yes, I genuinely put my heart into those relationships and my hopes into longevity, but I’m not sure I took a long term approach to a potential long term commitment. You see, when we approach things that we hope to have for the long term, we treat it like an investment. We put in the time needed to establish a foundation, get to know the potential investment by doing the proper research, map out a plan, and take our time to distinguish if this opportunity is worth the hassle. And when the fruits of our groundwork shows that there is actually something to be gained from investing or that we will get what we put in and more…we buy some stock.

Many black women are creating lucrative businesses and investing in the right companies because we’ve done the proper research. But why is it that we don’t put that much work into our love lives?

Most of us do more research on our careers than the men that get into relationships with. And when that man produces no real benefits, we’re angry at the man instead of ourselves for our lack of…research.

As for me, I didn’t even let my investments mature before I started screaming love.
But back then, I approached the potential long terms like short terms. What looked good, wasn’t right. But if I had taken the proper time to get to know that particular person, just maybe I wouldn’t have invested at all. Unfortunately at that time, I like many women committed myself fully to an investment that would reap no kind of benefits. There’s no way I could even break even, but I still kept throwing more of myself and my value to a dead end venture. And we do this regularly and for the majority of our lives because we’re dating when we should be courting.
When it comes to love, we need to do more than window shop. The outside ain’t nearly as important as what’s on the inside, yet, that seems to be all the analyzing we do before we get into the relationship. The only thing most of us are concerned with is physical attraction, penis size, good sex, and hefty bank accounts. And that my dear is the product of dating…only analyzing temporary things and attempting to build an entire relationship off of the temporary. Can we be surprised that our relationships end up being temporary when we temporarily got to know someone?

Dating is the art of refusing to learn the essence of the person before committing to them. Isn’t it the core of the person that determines whether we can even be with someone long term? So why are ya’ll tripping over everything else except THAT?

Now before you say I’m coming down too hard on dating, think about what dating consists of. When a woman usually goes out on her third date, what are we thinking about doing after? Exactly. In dating, women are encouraged to begin a sexual relationship with a man she’s only known for a few weeks. Hell, even sexing on the first date is becoming more popular. So I ask, is this the way you want to meet Mr. Right, by treating him like Right Now?

Is a practice committed more to the short term the best way to the long term? It can’t possibly be.

I’ve done the whole dating thing, and when the man showed me his true self, you know the inner him, I realized that he had absolutely no character. Even though everything else was proper, he was completely raggedy and “undateable” on the inside. But despite that, I was still trying to make it work because the physical was so…good. But the inner him was impossible and I was miserable. Did I mention we were in a relationship before I figured out who he really was? 

And that’s the thing, why do we wait until we are in a relationship to get to know folks? I’ll tell you why…because dating says so. Yes, dating tells us to only take a few weeks or a month to label someone relationship worthy. It also tells us to get to know someone quickly off of meaningless attributes and then give them the benefits of marriage from those meaningless attributes. We’re sexing temporary dudes all because we had a few good dates. Once in the relationship, we’re no longer encouraged to keep building…and that’s because dating says so. We then take this same quickie mindset right into marriage, and now over half of the country can’t stay in a marriage to save their lives.

But let’s talk about courting. 

It’s an archaic word that our grandparents know too well, but what’s interesting is when people courted, they divorced less. And when I realized this, I knew I had to look into just what my grandparents’ generation did, and see just why I had no real success in relationships. For one thing, foundation was the most important thing in courtship, while it’s usually forgotten all together and not encouraged in dating. However, you can’t find a magazine that won’t give you 30 tips how to rock your man’s world in the bedroom. Sex is the core of dating, and society demonstrates that more and more as we continue to eliminate the practice of courtship–or setting a foundation before marriage.

My grandparents and their parents believed in just having a period of time when they got to know their love interest without the physical. Yes, they really got to know someone before they had sex, but we tend to have sex first and then learn who we’re sleeping with last.

Were our grandparents, great grandparents, and great great grandparents sexual beings? Of course they were. But their mindset on sex, relationships, and marriage were completely different. They didn’t want to get into a marriage without a foundation, and they knew they couldn’t have a foundation if they didn’t properly establish one. And by properly, I don’t mean a few weeks of dating. And when you are courting, like they did, the building didn’t stop once they got in the relationship or committed. Why? Because that’s not how courting works. In courting, you never stop building or learning your partner until marriage. But now, we’re building and discovering once we get married, after playing married before the actual marriage. In reality, we’ve cheapened the value of marriage because we no longer practice courtship.

Now, I’m not saying all of this to totally behead the dating process, but I am saying that women who do want to get married shouldn’t be dating, they should be courting. Here’s the thing, no matter how much society has made a mockery out of marriage, marriage is still a big deal. It’s still important to God, and it’s not something we should just blindly walk into. Nor should we be so nonchalant with our relationships or our bodies, these things are the foundation to your marriage. If your relationship is on sand instead of rock, it will crumble.

So how do you court?

Courting is all about foundation. In courtship, it involves two people who are in favor of marriage. No, you cannot court a man who hates the concept of marriage. To do so, is a waste of your time. If a man has already expressed his lack of interest in marriage and you’re sure you want to be married, move on. 

You must also get the concept of dating out of your life. That means no more hopping into a relationship with a guy you’ve only been getting to know for a few weeks. There are a few reasons for this, but the biggest reason is men are usually not their true selves in the first couple of months of meeting a woman. So there’s no need to get serious any earlier than about 3 to 4 months. You must see his true self before committing.

Women must also stop playing house. No man deserves husband treatment until he is your husband. Women wonder why it takes a man so many years to get married, well wouldn’t you also take your sweet time if most of the women you date willingly play wife? No benefits of marriage until marriage. Stop treating your sex so lightly.

Lastly, know that character is the most important component of a good man. He’s got to care about other people, if a man is showing you that he’s selfish; he’s also showing you that he’s neither courting, relationship, or marriage material. There’s no way a selfish person can love anyone but themselves.

I know many will still hold dating to a higher standard than it deserves, but at 25 years old, I’m finally courting…and I must say, this is the first healthy relationship I ever had. And we took our sweet time to get here. If we make it to the altar, our marriage’s foundation will be the equivalent to that of a rock. Steady and solid. And it’s all because we wanted more than dating and more than sex. And honestly, there’s no better way to true love than taking your sweet time to get there.

We take our sweet time and commit our work to our education, careers, and our finances; but it’s about time we invest blood, sweat and tears on something that was meant to be even more rewarding.

God bless.

Your questions, my answers. 

By: Amanda Anderson

Q. The statistics regarding the likelihood of African American women getting married scares me. I am a single black woman, with a college degree, great job, and soon to be home owner. It saddens me that I will own a home before I get married. But what saddens me even more is the fact that my dating life is down right depressing. I date, but in the end, I still end up back where I started…single. It just amazes me how it’s a plethora of men who don’t mind sleeping with me with no strings attached, but when it comes to a solid relationship, I keep drawing blanks and attracting selfish men. Where are the good men?! Like seriously, where are they hiding? Tell me where to go, because I am getting ready to give up on love. -Elle D.

A. You asked where are the good men? Overlooked.

Yes, the good men are overlooked, and the good guy is the one you usually don’t even notice in your favorite spot. Am I saying this to patronize? No, I’m saying it because it is fact. Good men are hard to notice in a crowded area of flashy losers.

Here’s what I’ve noticed.

Good men just aren’t typically flashy. When they go out, they don’t usually draw a lot of attention to themselves. They aren’t talking loud, bragging or boasting, they tend to be relaxed, attentive, and the least likely to behave like the typical douche bags that we tend to date.

He doesn’t have swag, so he doesn’t spend his whole paycheck on materialistic things, or feel the need to be like every one else.

In short, he refuses to conform, so he’s that guy who approaches us politely, and we shoot down because he just looks boring.

He’s the smart guy in the class who makes the good grades and can answer the tough questions. He’s the guy at work who always shows up on time, and works the hardest.

He’s intelligent, God fearing, woman respectin’…so he won’t argue with you or raise his voice to prove how manly he is. But sadly, we write off this behavior as weak and inferior, when it’s strength in respecting a woman when she’s the least deserving of it.

When he is interested in a woman, he genuinely attempts to get to know her, and won’t take his precious time in letting her know that. He believes in commitment, so he won’t be pressing you for sex, and putting off getting into a real relationship.

But he’s also that same guy that’s typically too boring to get you to agree to let him take you out on a date, the one you said is too nice to be with, the guy you walk past because he doesn’t look flashy enough, and ignore because he doesn’t have that it factor.

So naturally, you’ll keep dating the douche bags…the ones who have the it factor, but the inability to even be faithful or stay in a relationship.

To sum it up, the question is not where are the good men, but do you have what it takes to notice them? 

Measure a man not but what he looks like, not by a term popularized by one of the most materialistic and mindless generations ever (swag), or his bank account; but instead his character, his actions, and the way he treats women. And by doing so, you’ll begin to see, it’s not a specific location that leads one to a good man, but wisdom, and a sense of discernment to know him when she meets him.

God bless.

If you’re single and looking, here are the qualities you should look for in a potential partner.

By: Amanda Anderson

It’s not easy being a single woman and looking. As a society, we treat relationships like a game seeking only the upper hand versus a partnership, we can’t stay married long enough to put our vows into motion, and even though we all say we’re looking for love; most of us don’t know anything about love, since lust has become inbred in our dating practices. While it isn’t necessarily easy finding the right person, it’s so often that we focus on the wrong qualities. Yes, we look for the wrong qualities, which in essence, always leads us to the wrong men. So many women wonder what’s the secret to landing a good man? It’s simple actually. We have to change our entire outlook on what a good man is, and what qualities he should possess. We also have to make sure we understand the importance of character. A man’s character is telling of the potential relationship you will ultimately have with him. Not his bank account or his penis size…his character. 
While all good men don’t look the same, dress the same, or have the same type of career or educational background; they do all have great character. That is no coincidence. 
Now will a good man be perfect? No. But are you perfect?
See where I’m going with this?
So it’s been established that we should look for great character. So what are the qualities of good character and what are the qualities you should be looking for in a man?
The following.
1. He does what he says he is going to do.
Seems like common sense doesn’t it? Well that doesn’t take away the fact that most women tend to waste most of their time with men who don’t know how to keep their word. 
Now you know the guy who never keeps his promises. He says he’ll call you back, but doesn’t. He’ll blame stress from the job as a reason he lies and breaks promises, and you never know when he will actually take you out to dinner like he promised two months ago. You stick around because he’s educated, has a great career. attractive, and he seems like a catch.
But this man can’t even be counted on. So just how is he a catch? That college degree, nice job, and gorgeous physique doesn’t change the fact that he’s a liar. And liars are the absolute worst to date.
Try marrying one.
The guy who keeps his promises, now he usually gets a bad rep from women. Why? Because he’s the predictable and boring nice guy. But have you ever spoken to the women who actually have enough wisdom to date these guys and marry them?
You’d actually find out they are pretty happy. They have a man that keeps his word and there’s no guessing work required. It always feels good to have a man that calls you when he said he would. Or the one who takes you to the restaurant he promised he would. Oh, and he’s faithful, because he said he would be.
Boring guys don’t seem too bad anymore do they? 
2. His ego doesn’t come before you.
Beyonce might have made a song praising some dude’s big ego, but the truth is, these are the worst dudes to date, and they aren’t really praiseworthy. Everything will be a struggle with the man who can’t manage to get over himself. It doesn’t matter if you’re happy, as long as he has the upper hand. 
Can we stay, bullheaded bastard?
You’ll never be happy with this dude because the whole relationship is all about him. It’s actually like you’re dating…no one. It’s lonely when you’re the only one working in a relationship, and the only one not reaping the benefits from your own labor.
But a humble brother, oh pleasing you is the most important thing to him. In fact, his whole relationship theory is a happy woman is a pleased woman. He’s not too arrogant to oversee satisfying you. And the best thing about dating a humble brother dedicated to your happiness is it’s almost always contagious to a good woman. Since you’re happy, you’ll spend just as much time trying to keep him happy too.
If there’s no hint of humility in a man, don’t waste your time, because trust me, that’s the only outcome with an arrogant and selfish man.
3. He believes in commitment, and views it as an essential to a relationship.
Sometimes the quickest way to discover rather a man is worth our time or not is to talk to him about his views on commitment. If he talks negative about commitment, and especially marriage, he’s got too many issues to be worthwhile. 
Keep it moving if you get the vibe commitment doesn’t thrill him too much.
But if he demonstrates he understands it and believes in it, make sure his actions match his talk.
In the first few months, a committed man and a not so committed man will reveal themselves. Be patient, and move accordingly. Too many female friends and an itch for the nightclubs aren’t good signs.
4. He’s a full believer of the Golden Rule.
Here’s that good character showing itself again.
If a man believes in treating people how he wants to be treated, most likely, he’s a good man. And I’m not just talking about how he treats you. I’m referring to how he treats everyone.
Does he have a genuine concern for other people? How does he view women?
Is he always conscious about what he says and does to others, or is it every man for themselves?
If you discover he believes in doing right by all, and his actions reflect this, he may be a keeper.
5. He’s not quick to anger and has plenty of patience.
Women are born over emotional and ridiculously sensitive.
We honestly need men who understand that, not fight against it. It’s nothing worse than dating a guy who believes in arguing just as much as you do. A relationship needs a balance, so someone has to have a little more patience. Who better than your man?
If a man exhibits those overly sensitive female tendencies such as the following:
love of arguing, screaming and yelling, hostility, and a dramatic flair…
don’t expect that relationship to go far. Some will say I’m stuck on gender stereotypes, but actually, I’m stuck on common sense and a case of been there, done that. Women don’t fair well with men who behave like… women. 
6. A solid friendship, your man should be another best friend.
Friendship is always the gatekeeper to love. Many attempt to have love before friendship, and every single time they miss out a solid chance at establishing a solid foundation that must exist in order to even have love. If you’re not able to see your man or potential as a genuine friend before a lover, then you can’t expect it to grow and become anything long term.
The couples who view their significant others as best friends understand the importance of a foundation. Always build your relationship off a solid surface, or expect it to fall.
7. He’s ambitious, with his sights focused on becoming better in many areas of his life.
Is he trying to go somewhere in life, or has he settled for the art of standing still? It’s not necessarily about a man’s bank account, but ambition for life means he’ll have the drive to always strive to become better. And that’s truly the best man to date.
8. He has a genuine relationship with God.
This may be last on the list, but it’s the most important one on this list. A man who not only knows but fears God, knows how to love a woman. Ya’ll keep concerning yourselves with how much money a man makes and how big his penis is, but ya’ll need to be concerned with his relationship with the Most High. 
A man’s relationship with God ALWAYS determines his character and how he will treat YOU. If he’s not serious about God, then he won’t be serious about you. 
There’s a lot of wolves in sheep’s clothing screaming from a rooftop that they love God. But does their lifestyle reflect that?
A man that loves God also understands what love is. This is the kind of man that loves you beyond the physical, so he doesn’t want you to jeopardize your spiritual to lust for him. Many women think a man like this is a myth, but he is indeed very real. You just don’t know how to discern him from the others. When you meet a man like this, know that it is purely the power of God manifesting in your life.
And this kind of man is most certainly a keeper. In fact, a man of God will embody every single thing mentioned previously on this list. He’s the cream of the crop, so make sure that his spiritual authenticity is the first thing you look for.
Look for these things, and you’ll be able to discern the duds from the one.
Why are some of us more concerned with a man’s penis size versus the way he treats us?

By: Amanda Anderson
Let me first say, that as always, I write this in complete love for all of my sisters. But in order to be a smart single woman, a reality check is needed from time to time, and we all need someone to call us out on a poisonous mindset that could be potentially keeping us from landing success in love and selecting men. But I have to ask, why are some of us looking for those golden wrappers before we look for good character? And no, I ain’t trippin…I am simply stating that too many women are more concerned with a man’s penis size than his character, and for the life of me, I can’t understand why.
Some of us are single because we chase big penises but chase away the nice guys.
How many times have we had late night conversations with our girls and dished on what we just had to have in a man, and at least one of our single friends blurts out that he better wear magnums and not those tiny little Trojans? And while we may laugh and remember the night as a great night with the girls…secretly, we wonder if she’s really that naive enough to have a man’s penis size at the top of her list of requirements. 
I mean seriously, it’s like we’re more concerned with sex than we are with how a man treats us. These women are the same ones who won’t date the nice guys because they don’t have backbones, but they’ll allow a man to mistreat them as long as he is carrying magnums.
So who’s really the one without a backbone? The man who is secure enough with himself to treat a woman right or the woman who will let a man treat her like sh-t as long as he has a big penis?
For years, women have notoriously pointed fingers at men for being too concerned with sex and unable to think with anything but their groins. But only an idiot couldn’t see that lately, most women have been thinking with their vaginas more than they have been using their God given common sense.
Men are dogs we say, but we’ve been bad bitches for the last decade, sexing dudes and discarding them like we have penises, and yet, we continue to call foul on men for running game and running through women like marathons.
We’ve done everything except lift our legs up to take a piss.
And since the bad bitch evolution, at the top of our list of what we need from a man, is his damn penis size.
We’re single, but we are still getting screwed pretty damn good, but most of us don’t have love because it didn’t come with a gold wrapper.
Now this isn’t an attempt to persecute the big penis chasing women…I understand that we all have our sexual preferences.
But understand this: sexual preferences should never top your list of needs in a society where good relationships have become scarce but sexually transmitted diseases are spreading like wildfire.
A woman’s first concern should always be how a man treats her, not the kind of condom he can fit into. If he treats you good and happens to wear magnums…perfect.
But if you’re turning down a good man because he wears Trojans or doesn’t have the biggest penis you’ve ever seen, you’ve totally missed the whole concept of love. And it’s when we look to be screwed, that we get screwed over.
So if you’re a smart single woman, let’s focus on being treated right, versus being screwed good.
Because a bad man with a big penis can screw you twice…and that’s not a good thing.

The increasing popularity of Steve Harvey’s Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man suggests that women adopt a man’s mentality to land a good man. Do we have to really act like we have a penis to attract a penis, or should we just use common sense a tad bit more in the single life?

Your questions, my answers. I promise I’ll keep you fabulous, sexy, and smart in your singlehood. Brutal honesty is more beneficial in a chaotic place for black single women.

By: Amanda Anderson

Q. After reading Steve Harvey’s book, it’s been suggested that women need to think more like men to become more successful in our pursuits of men and relationships. Should a woman really change her feminine mentality for a more masculine one, just to avoid heartbreak and shady men?
A. Steve Harvey, although divorced a couple times, made some pretty good points in his debut bestseller. He was able to so eloquently, well hell, frankly explain the man’s perspective in women, sex, and relationships. The overall consensus is that we should think more like men to better understand men, but it makes you wonder why men aren’t being told to think like more women to understand women better. What the hell gives? Are we the only ones that have to shift over the gender line we’ve been treading since birth just to have a shot at love and a decent relationship?
I call Steve’s bluff on that one…
Look, women don’t have to necessarily think like men in order to prevent becoming constant victims to game. All it really takes is a bit of common sense when dealing with men. For instance, if a man is too busy to give you any attention, why on earth are you offering your heart on a silver platter to that bastard?
Follow these easy rules, and you won’t need an imaginary penis to prevent getting screwed in this nasty relationship environment.
1. Women might be auditory beings, who dwell on romantic sayings and tempting promises…but actions are the only thing that counts. If a man wants you, he’ll show you better than he’ll tell you. Stop making excuses for why this man isn’t pursuing you. If he’s not making any moves, the only ones you should make is one with someone else who is pursuing you.
2. Sex without commitment is stupid, especially for a woman wanting love and stability. If you want some stability in your love life, be stable your damn self. Don’t bend over backwards or forwards for a temporary boo thing. It’s no coincidence that women become less interesting once they’ve been screwed by someone who’s just having a little fun. You’re not here to entertain…right? Be patient and wait on something official.
3. Don’t deal with liars and promise breakers…they don’t change, not even for a relationship. If a man can’t keep his promise, he can’t be any good in a relationship. It’s nothing worse than being in a relationship where you have more broken promises than kept ones. You need a partner who understands the value of his word…men that understand that make better boyfriends and husbands. I promise.
4. Falling in love with a man that’s too busy is like begging cupid to run you over with a truck…disastrous. If he doesn’t have time to spend with you or build something solid, you don’t have time to waste.
5. Character is more telling than salaries, degrees, penis size, faces, and biceps. Always look for it first. Why? Good men have good character…so if you’re looking for a good man, maybe you ought to be looking for good character.
6. Your girlfriends won’t help your relationship, but they can hurt it beyond repair. So in that case, watch who you get your relationship and/or dating advice from. Bitter women like their friends how they like their men…single. Misery loves company, and bad advice is Misery’s bitch.
7. Communication is the most suggested but least regarded in love and dating. If you are feeling a man, tell him. No one likes to play the guessing game but women. 
8. Timing is everything. Singlehood has always been made out to be a dark age for a woman, but a smart woman knows it’s really a bright spot. Only when you are alone can you really get to know yourself. Take this time alone to figure out who the hell you are, and who the hell you need. You may have wanted that swagalicious dude, but time alone can make you realize you need the humble God fearing dude instead. So many happily married women began as happily single women who knew what they wanted…and believe me, they knew him when he came.
9. Your attitude is everything. Stank attitudes give off a stench greater than any funk you’ve ever encountered…and so does bitterness. The angry black woman may fare well in Tyler Perry’s films, but this ain’t that last Tyler Perry film you and your girls were fist pumping to. All men ain’t bad, and all women ain’t deserving of something good. Think all men are dogs, and you’ll attract nothing but dogs. Don’t want fleas? Well change your mentality. Men will only be what you expect them to be. Standards anyone?
10. Guard your heart not out of bitterness, but out of self respect. It’s amazing how we only remember certain scriptures from the bible on love, but barely anyone remembers that the good book states several times that we should guard our hearts. But for some reason, women will fling their hearts off a balcony if it looks steady enough to stand on. We don’t check for firmness, stability rather there is truth in the design, or if it’s truly beneficial. Before you whisper the I Love You’s…make sure he really loves you.
And when a man loves you, there is nothing that he won’t do to make you happy. If he has excuses, you don’t have love. 
I’ll say it one more time…if he has excuses, then you don’t have love. 

So do you need to think like a man? No, relationships aren’t games…they are tough and only work when people recognize the call for authenticity. Yeah, you got to be real to get something real. Your man won’t totally get you, and you won’t totally get him; but if what you have is good or will be any good…ya’ll just have to communicate. And that doesn’t mean you push him to the corner with mind games. Always say how you feel, and he’ll return the favor. And honesty really is the best way to a good relationship…not best sellers written by Steve Harvey.
So think like a woman, a very smart single woman, and you won’t end up screwed, used, and discarded like trash.  So let’s get smarter, not manlier. 

Your questions, my answers. My goal is to keep you smart in your singlehood. Be warned, I won’t sugarcoat anything. It takes a bit of intelligence and wisdom to land real love…And a bit of fearlessness in a society too scared to have standards is the icing on the cake.

By: Amanda Anderson

Q. How long should a woman wait to become intimate with a man she’s kicking it with?

A. Define kicking it for me? If I’m not mistaken, kicking it means there’s no official label involved, and this man is nothing more than the boo, and someone you are currently spending most of your time with. This may include movie nights, fancy dinners, and even frequent conversations. I get it. You dig this man, and you’re hoping he’ll dig you enough to make this thing official…eventually.

But eventually ain’t now, and it’s eventually that gets most women in trouble, screwed, oh and screwed again with unanswered phonecalls.

Look, I know we live in a society that says promiscuous and un-commited sex is cool and fun and ish…but the truth is, it’s risky for a woman who is looking for more…eventually. If you know you want something real with this man, keep your panties above your knees until there is an established commitment, which includes a real title like boyfriend, fiance, hell, or even husband.

It’s nothing smart about giving up the goods to a man that isn’t even yours. Most women would have love right now if they weren’t too busy screwing nobodies and current boos. If he’s serious and worth your time, he’ll understand that you need more than meaningless sex, and yeah he’ll wait. If not, consider yourself lucky that a dog showed you his tail. Let him move on. Better her than you, right?